hello world, i guess i feel a bit of relief at the moment. was talking to my friend all night and kinda explained the situation to him. we're not exactly close so i didn't think anything would come from the conversation but i'm surprised to say that i felt better after talkin to him. he helped me realize that i don't need to be upset and crying over something so small ..or atleast it should be small. and he just reminds me that "everyone has to take a chance on love. you gotta put it in the past and forget about it even though that's the hardest thing to do. whenever you need to talk, imma be here cause you can't do it alone". honestly, after reading that, it put a smile on my face so i just wanna say thanks robbie! =) cause you're totally right...people who pop in and out of my life and they don't plan to stay there should just stay out and make my life a little easier and just leave me alone all together. so no worries robbie, i've got your back tooo! just remember that you promised to never give up on me...>=)

hello world, i dont think i've been so disappointed before. i had set goals for my life. i lost it all when i got distracted by a boy that i just gave my all to. someone i thought that was worth my all...because i felt like he gave his all to me. maybe at the time, everything was worth it. but right now, it definitely isn't. been through ups and downs and possibly the worst time of my life with him and still, all i can wonder is if he'd ever feel the same for me one day..again. it sucks to say it but no. he won't. and i know i've said this a million times in the past but i've got to move on to actual priorities in my life. why did i all of a sudden come to this conclusion? i knew that even after we broke up, he still cared for me. but i just realized today that all of that has disappeared...officially. when they can just look away even obviously seeing that you're not okay, means that they just don't care anymore and that is clearly a sign that you should stop too. before coming home, i was in so much pain...for months. crying every night, talking on the phone with my mama so i can get it off my chest. at first, i was mad at her for secretly telling you to leave me alone but now, i see that it was the best decision yet. because the past 4months could not have been better. i haven't shed a tear until today. and let me tell you, i do not miss those tears at all. my mama always joked about me crying so much...wondering if id ever run out of tears. i am not going back to those days where all i did was cry and feel hurt because you were being insensitive or you didnt care or whatever. if i'm upset because of something related to you, it's a sign for me to stop. i may be a little dramatic or harsh or however you wanna take it but the truth is the truth. people always tell me, it is what it is *shrugs*. so basically, i guess what im trying to say is that i am disappointed in myself for ever letting another individual destroy me. i thought i was being careful at the beginning...had my walls up and everything but you proved to me time and time again that it was okay for me to bring the walls down because you would only care and love me...clearly, we were both wrong. but it's okay cause now it's just a memo in my head to never let it happen again. so i'm sorry to the boys out there who are waiting...i've officially decided that i dont want to love again or be in a relationship with anyone but myself, my family, and close friends. i just figured it's just not worth it.

me and my friend were talking today and we were discussing what type of guys attract us. i'm not gonna try and explain to you what tpe of men i'm attracted to so...i'll just show you =)

there are plenty more of course but that's it for now =p

May.22/2012

Hello world, i use to think i had the answers to everything but now i know life doesn't always go my way. i'm not a little girl anymore, there is no need to protect me. it's time that i learn to face things on my own because i've seen so much more than you know so don't tell me to shut my eyes. i will always find my way

May.17/2012

hello world i have been so lazy when it comes to blogging. it's not that i have nothing to share or say...i'm just too lazy to explain it all and type it all...which is why i've come up with a new idea! *ding ding ding* lol i've decided to do video blogs. i like to speak out my problems and whatever is going on rather than typing it. and if you feel the same way, there's something called voxer on the ipod/iphone...works just like a walkie talkie...i use it all the time to talk to my friends that are far away. it's so much easier to just talk to them and explain to them my problems rather than sending them a text message. and i find that it's a whole lot faster too sometimes...unless of course i'm having troubles explaining but even then, i find that if i keep talking, i would eventually get to what im trying to say from the beginning LOL i will still be managing this account though...every now and then, i will keep updating this blog while doing video blogs once in awhile. i really dont want to make another account and manage another website so i'm going to try and see if i can make videos and then put them here. but i gotta admit, i've always felt "awkward" to talk in front of a camera with nobody else behind it....like i'm talking to myself....which freaks me out a little cause it makes me feel like i am a little crazy @.@ i know that everybody has lied atleast once. whether it's to protect themselves or to protect others. whether your intentions were good or bad, a lie is still a lie. i dont know why i'm bringing this up now when i already told myself that i would let it go and move on. i wont tell you the whole story but when decisions are being made and it involves you but the people making the decisions dont involve you, dont you feel a little left out of the loop? yes, maybe they're reason for not telling me what their plans were was because they knew that i would object and deny. although it makes me a little upset to have to find out myself months later, i dont think i can disagree with the decision made right now. even though it hurt me to not know why you acted the way you did for months, i am happy to finally find an answer. for months, i kept thinking that there was something wrong with me or that i had done something so terribly wrong for you to just move on and forget me. little did i know, it was all part of a plan. i know that just because i found out, it doesn't mean/change anything but in a way, i am glad i found out. it answered a lot of my questions that have been buried inside of me. we haven't exactly been together for a LONG time but i think you can agree that we've been through A LOT together. i feel like i can still tell you everything and even though we're not together, it doesn't mean you can't talk to me. i know you're really "tough" on the outside and you dont talk about your feelings and what not but i just hope you know that you can always tell me anything. i'm still your friend...never forget that ...and nothing will change that...unless of course you step on my tail...then i'll release the you-know-what to the world hahaha >=) but honestly, truth moment, deep down inside, i know i still love you. of course by now, it's just a feeling that comes up every now and then...not like when i first came back home and i felt like i didn't want to start a new chapter without you. i know it's best that we take some time apart right now but just because i can't be with you, doesn't mean i dont love you. i thought maybe time will fade the feelings but i can't seem to let the feelings go. i know you probably don't feel the same way, and that's okay. i'm a strong(er) girl now =) you don't always need to protect me. or i'm going to always count on you. i don't know what's going to happen in the future, i just know that i don't want to lose a friend like you. even when you were my boyfriend, you were still my best friend.

May.10/2012

hello world classes have officially began! its kind of exciting and intense at the same time. we only have 7 weeks to complete the whole course so we go through one lesson in a few minutes and move on to the next. luckily, the course i am taking is Chinese which shouldn't be too difficult. i have been so busy lately. btw, did i tell you i quit my job? haha its a long story and i wont put all the information here but it feels like...im free! LOL i guess today will be a short post...there's so much and nothing to say at the same time.

hello world, it has been a pretty interesting weekend. went to a family dinner on friday at this japanese restaurant. haven't had sushi in soo long...it was simply delicious! i got to spend time with my cousins on saturday before heading to my friends house to get ready to head to the club. it was the clubs one year anniversary...and it was hella packed! to make the long story short, it was a fun night. although, there was this one guy in the club who kept trying to dance with everybody! girls would push him away and tell him to eff off but he just doesn't get it and he keeps coming back. it was so annoying and when we were all leaving, he kept coming after us asking if we needed a ride home...ive never met someone so irritating (-_-) when i first started going to this club, my friend knew someone who was a promoter there. so we mainly go for special events and the promoter usually brings a few friends everytime. so this time, one of the friends that he brought was kinda good looking so i mentioned it to my friend and she started spreading it like a virus. honestly, it was no big deal. i just thought he was kinda cute AND i felt like i've seen him before. so needless to say, it made things awkward after for the whole night. but the next day when i went home, i msged my friend(the promoter) and asked him if he had heard anything or any rumours. and i found out that we actually go to the same gym! including his friend..(the guy i thought was cute) and i knew i've seen him somewhere before and it finally came to me. ive seen him at the gym for years! and we all live in the same neighborhood too...just mins away. just makes me think "what a small world" lol and did i mention i had to sleep on the floor at my friends house saturday night? she has a small room so her bed is small so i slept on the floor while our other friend was drunk on the bed. she doesnt admit it but she's an angry drunk lol