May.17/2012

hello world i have been so lazy when it comes to blogging. it's not that i have nothing to share or say...i'm just too lazy to explain it all and type it all...which is why i've come up with a new idea! *ding ding ding* lol i've decided to do video blogs. i like to speak out my problems and whatever is going on rather than typing it. and if you feel the same way, there's something called voxer on the ipod/iphone...works just like a walkie talkie...i use it all the time to talk to my friends that are far away. it's so much easier to just talk to them and explain to them my problems rather than sending them a text message. and i find that it's a whole lot faster too sometimes...unless of course i'm having troubles explaining but even then, i find that if i keep talking, i would eventually get to what im trying to say from the beginning LOL i will still be managing this account though...every now and then, i will keep updating this blog while doing video blogs once in awhile. i really dont want to make another account and manage another website so i'm going to try and see if i can make videos and then put them here. but i gotta admit, i've always felt "awkward" to talk in front of a camera with nobody else behind it....like i'm talking to myself....which freaks me out a little cause it makes me feel like i am a little crazy @.@ i know that everybody has lied atleast once. whether it's to protect themselves or to protect others. whether your intentions were good or bad, a lie is still a lie. i dont know why i'm bringing this up now when i already told myself that i would let it go and move on. i wont tell you the whole story but when decisions are being made and it involves you but the people making the decisions dont involve you, dont you feel a little left out of the loop? yes, maybe they're reason for not telling me what their plans were was because they knew that i would object and deny. although it makes me a little upset to have to find out myself months later, i dont think i can disagree with the decision made right now. even though it hurt me to not know why you acted the way you did for months, i am happy to finally find an answer. for months, i kept thinking that there was something wrong with me or that i had done something so terribly wrong for you to just move on and forget me. little did i know, it was all part of a plan. i know that just because i found out, it doesn't mean/change anything but in a way, i am glad i found out. it answered a lot of my questions that have been buried inside of me. we haven't exactly been together for a LONG time but i think you can agree that we've been through A LOT together. i feel like i can still tell you everything and even though we're not together, it doesn't mean you can't talk to me. i know you're really "tough" on the outside and you dont talk about your feelings and what not but i just hope you know that you can always tell me anything. i'm still your friend...never forget that ...and nothing will change that...unless of course you step on my tail...then i'll release the you-know-what to the world hahaha >=) but honestly, truth moment, deep down inside, i know i still love you. of course by now, it's just a feeling that comes up every now and then...not like when i first came back home and i felt like i didn't want to start a new chapter without you. i know it's best that we take some time apart right now but just because i can't be with you, doesn't mean i dont love you. i thought maybe time will fade the feelings but i can't seem to let the feelings go. i know you probably don't feel the same way, and that's okay. i'm a strong(er) girl now =) you don't always need to protect me. or i'm going to always count on you. i don't know what's going to happen in the future, i just know that i don't want to lose a friend like you. even when you were my boyfriend, you were still my best friend.