hello world, i dont think i've been so disappointed before. i had set goals for my life. i lost it all when i got distracted by a boy that i just gave my all to. someone i thought that was worth my all...because i felt like he gave his all to me. maybe at the time, everything was worth it. but right now, it definitely isn't. been through ups and downs and possibly the worst time of my life with him and still, all i can wonder is if he'd ever feel the same for me one day..again. it sucks to say it but no. he won't. and i know i've said this a million times in the past but i've got to move on to actual priorities in my life. why did i all of a sudden come to this conclusion? i knew that even after we broke up, he still cared for me. but i just realized today that all of that has disappeared...officially. when they can just look away even obviously seeing that you're not okay, means that they just don't care anymore and that is clearly a sign that you should stop too. before coming home, i was in so much pain...for months. crying every night, talking on the phone with my mama so i can get it off my chest. at first, i was mad at her for secretly telling you to leave me alone but now, i see that it was the best decision yet. because the past 4months could not have been better. i haven't shed a tear until today. and let me tell you, i do not miss those tears at all. my mama always joked about me crying so much...wondering if id ever run out of tears. i am not going back to those days where all i did was cry and feel hurt because you were being insensitive or you didnt care or whatever. if i'm upset because of something related to you, it's a sign for me to stop. i may be a little dramatic or harsh or however you wanna take it but the truth is the truth. people always tell me, it is what it is *shrugs*. so basically, i guess what im trying to say is that i am disappointed in myself for ever letting another individual destroy me. i thought i was being careful at the beginning...had my walls up and everything but you proved to me time and time again that it was okay for me to bring the walls down because you would only care and love me...clearly, we were both wrong. but it's okay cause now it's just a memo in my head to never let it happen again. so i'm sorry to the boys out there who are waiting...i've officially decided that i dont want to love again or be in a relationship with anyone but myself, my family, and close friends. i just figured it's just not worth it.