June.6/2010

In regards to my post on June.6/2010, I want to clarify that Bryana Yuan was the witness to the incident only. It was not my intention to cause her any embarrassment or hardship and I am truly sorry for the misunderstanding this might have caused.

yummy homemade vietnamese noodles/dinner =)

miss my piano days..

pretty creative..

hello world, guess i haven't typed up anything in awhile. i find pictures that say it all for me so i guess i've been a little lazy. there's been so much going on in my life and yet nothing at all. i'm sure you've heard me say that in the past too. it's like...even though there's a lot going on, if i attempt to share it, it doesn't turn out to be much. a lot of times, i put on a face for everybody to see. so nobody knows that there's something wrong or that i have issues. most people just think i'm this cheerful girl who can't be hurt because i act like nothing can affect me. but honestly, when i'm away from everyone, that cheerful girl just disappears. because i'm left to myself to deal with issues in my life. it's not that i like to keep to myself...i just don't know how to talk to others about my problems and i just find it a lot easier to keep everything to myself. because of my past experiences, i put up walls to protect myself from getting hurt. but i'm starting to notice that people are getting annoyed that it's so hard to get to know...so hard to be close and personal with me . they tell me lots about themselves and always ask for my advice/help but i never seem to share things about me. i'm afraid of letting people into my life...because once they get too close, there's always a chance something goes wrong and you end up getting hurt. i wish i could trust as easily as i did before...i wish i could go back to that girl i was a year or two ago. but honestly, as much as i wish to go back in time, i can't. this is who i am now and what kind of personality i have. i pretend to be this tough girl that nobody can come close to but even i get tired of wearing a mask. i'm so use to it now that i just leave the mask on...forgetting to take it off; forgetting who i really am. i had a friend tell me the other day that i can have anything i want...i just gotta work towards it; earn it. but honestly, that's not 100% true. there are so many things i want in life, and it seems like it's hard to reach. i had something that i never wanted to let go...and then i had no choice but to let it slip out of my hands. there has never been a day that i don't want that thing back. i just know i can never have it again. and i feel like the harder it is for me to reach it, the more i want to work for it but it gets so frustrating because the more i reach for it, the further it gets. i could give everything up if i could have that one thing back. i keep dwelling on the past...never seem to want to move forward. i know i should be working on my future but sometimes it is so hard to let things go from the past. i miss when i was 7 and all i had to worry about was where my crayons went. it's like sometimes, i just overflow with all these emotions that i can't explain but i just feel and it just makes me....sad.

an editor from the Georgia Straight newspaper took a picture of my tattoo and put it in the blog =)

http://www.straight.com/article-733546/vancouver/tattoos-can-be-very-personal-thing

oh dear lawd

daawwwwehh

went to watch spiderman IMAX 3D =)

until next time brittany! =)

lived here for awhile now and i haven't been to this bridge....smh

one of my good friends came to visit me =)

too cute/funny

collection

should've gotten this instead

so my friend comes over this morning and made me brunch! ...soo much sugar in the morning lol mmm cinnamon bun&fondue =)

my friend bought me a shirt to match with his (-_-) says "i heart nice guys" lol

fondue date with the cousin and her "bf" =p

Joey's has one of the best drinks...stiff limonade!

my friend brought me to Londsdale Quay for the first time last week! =)

all about perspective

vancouver weather =/

gotta look on the bright side =)

#truth

motto

June.13/2012

hello world, lately, things have been weird. two friends who i thought i was just starting to get close with, have grown distant. it's like all of a sudden, we all grew busy and forgot about each other. but at the same time, i already knew things were gonna go downhill after realizing i was always the 3rd wheeler or 5th wheeler. of course, it's never fun so whenever we do hangout, i try and pass. i've been hanging out with this one friend alot though...maybe a little more than normal. we pretty much spent the whole last weekend together plus the weekdays. i think we'll get sick of each other soon =p but it's nice to have someone to hang out with who lives so close by you and has the same interests as you. one thing that gets a little annoying is that he always pays for me. everytime we go out, he somehow sneaks around me and pays. luckily, i got to pay him back when we went to joeys. i love that a guy wants to pay...shows theyre a gentlemen but after the first time, it just becomes a little irritating. of course, it would be different if he was my boyfriend or something...cause then he can pay all he wants! =) there is so much going on this summer...so many plans that are in progress..there just isn't enough time. if i don't have school, then i have work. i only get one day off from those 2 things every week but even then, it's filled with plans/events. but just because i'm always busy, doesn't mean i don't like it. i'd rather get tired from being busy than get tired from doing nothing or being bored. i love being busy and having things to do. gets me going and keeps my mind off things i don't need to think about. i've lost a few friends in the past because i'm so busy caring about everybody else' problems that i dont have time for them and my own personal life. maybe it's an excuse for me to not deal with my own problems...but whatever it is, it's just a part of me that's hard to change. loving someone means caring about their problems before your own...

alright..i'll just be patient and wait =p

lolol soo truee!

hello world, i guess i feel a bit of relief at the moment. was talking to my friend all night and kinda explained the situation to him. we're not exactly close so i didn't think anything would come from the conversation but i'm surprised to say that i felt better after talkin to him. he helped me realize that i don't need to be upset and crying over something so small ..or atleast it should be small. and he just reminds me that "everyone has to take a chance on love. you gotta put it in the past and forget about it even though that's the hardest thing to do. whenever you need to talk, imma be here cause you can't do it alone". honestly, after reading that, it put a smile on my face so i just wanna say thanks robbie! =) cause you're totally right...people who pop in and out of my life and they don't plan to stay there should just stay out and make my life a little easier and just leave me alone all together. so no worries robbie, i've got your back tooo! just remember that you promised to never give up on me...>=)

hello world, i dont think i've been so disappointed before. i had set goals for my life. i lost it all when i got distracted by a boy that i just gave my all to. someone i thought that was worth my all...because i felt like he gave his all to me. maybe at the time, everything was worth it. but right now, it definitely isn't. been through ups and downs and possibly the worst time of my life with him and still, all i can wonder is if he'd ever feel the same for me one day..again. it sucks to say it but no. he won't. and i know i've said this a million times in the past but i've got to move on to actual priorities in my life. why did i all of a sudden come to this conclusion? i knew that even after we broke up, he still cared for me. but i just realized today that all of that has disappeared...officially. when they can just look away even obviously seeing that you're not okay, means that they just don't care anymore and that is clearly a sign that you should stop too. before coming home, i was in so much pain...for months. crying every night, talking on the phone with my mama so i can get it off my chest. at first, i was mad at her for secretly telling you to leave me alone but now, i see that it was the best decision yet. because the past 4months could not have been better. i haven't shed a tear until today. and let me tell you, i do not miss those tears at all. my mama always joked about me crying so much...wondering if id ever run out of tears. i am not going back to those days where all i did was cry and feel hurt because you were being insensitive or you didnt care or whatever. if i'm upset because of something related to you, it's a sign for me to stop. i may be a little dramatic or harsh or however you wanna take it but the truth is the truth. people always tell me, it is what it is *shrugs*. so basically, i guess what im trying to say is that i am disappointed in myself for ever letting another individual destroy me. i thought i was being careful at the beginning...had my walls up and everything but you proved to me time and time again that it was okay for me to bring the walls down because you would only care and love me...clearly, we were both wrong. but it's okay cause now it's just a memo in my head to never let it happen again. so i'm sorry to the boys out there who are waiting...i've officially decided that i dont want to love again or be in a relationship with anyone but myself, my family, and close friends. i just figured it's just not worth it.

me and my friend were talking today and we were discussing what type of guys attract us. i'm not gonna try and explain to you what tpe of men i'm attracted to so...i'll just show you =)

there are plenty more of course but that's it for now =p

May.22/2012

Hello world, i use to think i had the answers to everything but now i know life doesn't always go my way. i'm not a little girl anymore, there is no need to protect me. it's time that i learn to face things on my own because i've seen so much more than you know so don't tell me to shut my eyes. i will always find my way

May.17/2012

hello world i have been so lazy when it comes to blogging. it's not that i have nothing to share or say...i'm just too lazy to explain it all and type it all...which is why i've come up with a new idea! *ding ding ding* lol i've decided to do video blogs. i like to speak out my problems and whatever is going on rather than typing it. and if you feel the same way, there's something called voxer on the ipod/iphone...works just like a walkie talkie...i use it all the time to talk to my friends that are far away. it's so much easier to just talk to them and explain to them my problems rather than sending them a text message. and i find that it's a whole lot faster too sometimes...unless of course i'm having troubles explaining but even then, i find that if i keep talking, i would eventually get to what im trying to say from the beginning LOL i will still be managing this account though...every now and then, i will keep updating this blog while doing video blogs once in awhile. i really dont want to make another account and manage another website so i'm going to try and see if i can make videos and then put them here. but i gotta admit, i've always felt "awkward" to talk in front of a camera with nobody else behind it....like i'm talking to myself....which freaks me out a little cause it makes me feel like i am a little crazy @.@ i know that everybody has lied atleast once. whether it's to protect themselves or to protect others. whether your intentions were good or bad, a lie is still a lie. i dont know why i'm bringing this up now when i already told myself that i would let it go and move on. i wont tell you the whole story but when decisions are being made and it involves you but the people making the decisions dont involve you, dont you feel a little left out of the loop? yes, maybe they're reason for not telling me what their plans were was because they knew that i would object and deny. although it makes me a little upset to have to find out myself months later, i dont think i can disagree with the decision made right now. even though it hurt me to not know why you acted the way you did for months, i am happy to finally find an answer. for months, i kept thinking that there was something wrong with me or that i had done something so terribly wrong for you to just move on and forget me. little did i know, it was all part of a plan. i know that just because i found out, it doesn't mean/change anything but in a way, i am glad i found out. it answered a lot of my questions that have been buried inside of me. we haven't exactly been together for a LONG time but i think you can agree that we've been through A LOT together. i feel like i can still tell you everything and even though we're not together, it doesn't mean you can't talk to me. i know you're really "tough" on the outside and you dont talk about your feelings and what not but i just hope you know that you can always tell me anything. i'm still your friend...never forget that ...and nothing will change that...unless of course you step on my tail...then i'll release the you-know-what to the world hahaha >=) but honestly, truth moment, deep down inside, i know i still love you. of course by now, it's just a feeling that comes up every now and then...not like when i first came back home and i felt like i didn't want to start a new chapter without you. i know it's best that we take some time apart right now but just because i can't be with you, doesn't mean i dont love you. i thought maybe time will fade the feelings but i can't seem to let the feelings go. i know you probably don't feel the same way, and that's okay. i'm a strong(er) girl now =) you don't always need to protect me. or i'm going to always count on you. i don't know what's going to happen in the future, i just know that i don't want to lose a friend like you. even when you were my boyfriend, you were still my best friend.

May.10/2012

hello world classes have officially began! its kind of exciting and intense at the same time. we only have 7 weeks to complete the whole course so we go through one lesson in a few minutes and move on to the next. luckily, the course i am taking is Chinese which shouldn't be too difficult. i have been so busy lately. btw, did i tell you i quit my job? haha its a long story and i wont put all the information here but it feels like...im free! LOL i guess today will be a short post...there's so much and nothing to say at the same time.

hello world, it has been a pretty interesting weekend. went to a family dinner on friday at this japanese restaurant. haven't had sushi in soo long...it was simply delicious! i got to spend time with my cousins on saturday before heading to my friends house to get ready to head to the club. it was the clubs one year anniversary...and it was hella packed! to make the long story short, it was a fun night. although, there was this one guy in the club who kept trying to dance with everybody! girls would push him away and tell him to eff off but he just doesn't get it and he keeps coming back. it was so annoying and when we were all leaving, he kept coming after us asking if we needed a ride home...ive never met someone so irritating (-_-) when i first started going to this club, my friend knew someone who was a promoter there. so we mainly go for special events and the promoter usually brings a few friends everytime. so this time, one of the friends that he brought was kinda good looking so i mentioned it to my friend and she started spreading it like a virus. honestly, it was no big deal. i just thought he was kinda cute AND i felt like i've seen him before. so needless to say, it made things awkward after for the whole night. but the next day when i went home, i msged my friend(the promoter) and asked him if he had heard anything or any rumours. and i found out that we actually go to the same gym! including his friend..(the guy i thought was cute) and i knew i've seen him somewhere before and it finally came to me. ive seen him at the gym for years! and we all live in the same neighborhood too...just mins away. just makes me think "what a small world" lol and did i mention i had to sleep on the floor at my friends house saturday night? she has a small room so her bed is small so i slept on the floor while our other friend was drunk on the bed. she doesnt admit it but she's an angry drunk lol

hello world, i've been happy lately =) not saying that i'm usually depressed or anything but something happened a few nights ago that just makes me feel better with decisions i've made in the past. i haven't talked to my ex in awhile and saturday night, we decided to skype. i basically just wanted to see how he was doing and wish him luck for finals coming up but we ended up talking for 3 hours. and of course, he made me watch Big Bang Theory with him...which i always end up enjoying at the end even though i refuse to watch it ever single time lol i just love that i'm comfortable with the fact that we're no longer together but we can still talk and be friends without having to bring back feelings or feel like i miss him. i mean, of course i miss him but i dont get all sad and depressed over it anymore. it just makes me realize that i made the right decision to leave and come home. even though i lied to him and told him that it was because of other personal issues, i still feel like if i didnt make the decision to leave, i would be dragging him down. although it was a sacrifice, it was definitely a sacrifice worth making. and that's what love has always meant to me. {sacrifice} it sucks when you can't have what you want but i know that not having what i want is best for right now. yes, lying and hiding the truth is hard and is wrong for me to do but it's better if they dont know the whole story. it just makes things alittle more complicated. i just can't wait till the day i see his face again ...in person =) my friend uploaded a picture from when we were in kindergarten and a friend of hers commented on the picture. apparently, i was friends with her too...and she said that she has been loooking for me as well for years. i eventually remembered her but i'm just realizing that i dont remember a lot of friends from back in elementary school that i should remember. it's just nice to be able to reunite with old friends and continue to meet new ones! excited to meet some more friends this weekend =) and excited about the sleepover at my friends house...i always loved going to her house when we were in kindergarten and grade one and i am going back again after so many years. cheers to friends <3

hello world, being woken up early in the morning after going to bed not too long ago is...irritating. haha i got woken up by the dog! im helping my cousin dog-sit her dog for a couple days till they come back from picking up my other cousin! sad i didn't get to go but im left with the dog LOL i dont understand how a small little dog can have poop that can be so stanky! =p i've been wanting to quit my job for awhile now...just gets boring often because there isn't a lot to do but stand around for hours until your shift is over. and it's such a long commute to work...takes me about an hour and a half including traffic and everything. so i searched around a few days ago and applied for a few places. yesterday morning, i got a call from Le Chateau and they wanna see me today to discuss schedules, pays, etc. i know i said i wanted to quit...but now that i have an opportunity, i dont know if i should take it. i mean, of course i should wait until the meeting to decide but i feel like i want to go through with it because a). im dealing with clothes....i dont know how much more interesting a part time job can be...i mean, i deal with furniture, home decor, home textiles.....not so fun. and b). its a lot closer to home. the store is in downtown...so hopefully it'll be busy with people and it only takes me about half an hour to 45mins to get to work. i will be starting school in May for a few classes and i guess whichever job can offer me the most flexibility around my schedule. sometimes, i feel like there are some people who only keep you around or call you "friend" because their regular friends are away. i can pretty much predict what's about to happen if i ask this person to hang out like we usually do cause it has already happened in the past. her "regular friends" are all coming back and who's left to the side? ...me. which i dont really mind much...im glad i could help this person in their time of need but honestly, i'm not a replacement girl so unless this person wants to hang out with me, i wont be going out of my way to try and hang out with this person. i feel like so much is happening this month. so many parties and i just can't go to all of them! but sometimes it's so hard to choose which one to not go to and you just want to attend them all =/ i can't imagine what summer will be like...madness.

love her!

i dont know who he is but i see him everywhere!

i wish i had that many shoes